Teaching Our Children to Read

One of the hardest, yet most rewarding tasks I have accomplished as a homeschool mom has been teaching my children to read. I have to admit that I was more than a little intimidated when we first started our homeschooling journey. We were doing this thing for real now and the pressure was on. At least, that's the way I perceived it. So I was determined to do everything right.

Ha! Boy, did I have another thing coming. So far, I have taught two children to read and am working on a third. And I have been through 5 reading curriculum! Yep, that's right. I've failed. I've spent money on curriculum only to toss it later.

Anyone who knows me, knows that is a very hard thing for me to do. Not only do I detest wasting money, I can't stand to leave things unfinished. It goes against every fiber of my being to not read a book all the way through, even if I don't like that book. I can't stand it. Ooh, and admitting failure? OUCH. Especially where my kids are concerned!

However, throughout the last few years of homeschooling I have learned to let a lot of that go. I am so thankful for the counsel of some veteran homeschool moms who let me know IT'S OKAY. In fact, I have really started to embrace it. I try to remember not all children are alike and what works so well for some, may not be a good fit for others (one of the plethora of reasons why we love homeschooling-individualized curriculum). I love each of my kids' personalities and uniqueness. Each of them learn in a completely different way. And I love that I am so blessed to be able to tailor their education to that which best suits them.

At any rate, I really struggled through the beginning days/weeks (oh who am I kidding? MONTHS!!!) of homeschooling. I focused on reading and phonics instruction to the exclusion of all else because it was THAT important to me that I get this one thing right. I knew all other learning hinged on them learning this one thing well. And if I had to do it all over again, I would do everything the same, flubs and all. I have learned so much just through trial and error.

And believe it or not, after all of that, I discovered it's not all that hard to teach a child to read. After a few bumps in the road, and some studying and reading and learning on my part, I feel like we have a pretty good system in place for the process of teaching our children to read. Each child goes at his/her own pace, but the process is pretty consistent. Of course, I am always open to changing things up, should a particular child require it.

I have had many people ask me about how we go about teaching our children to read, so I thought I would share what I have learned here.

As I said before, I have used several different curriculum over the years-Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons, Alpha Phonics, McGuffey Readers and the Classic Curriculum workbooks, The Ordinary Parent's Guide to Teaching Reading. All of these are good programs and each has its own pros and cons (I can discuss those in another post or if anyone leaves a comment and wants a more specific review, I'd be happy to give it).

That being said, I think success in teaching your child to read has less to do with what curriculum you use (there are so many to choose from and most are really good and effective) and more to do with your attitude.

Most of all I want my children to develop a love for learning so I introduce them to quality literature at a young age-no junk allowed in our house! I am intentional about working to give our children a print-rich environment. We turn off the tv (and computer and video games-we actually don't watch tv or play video games but that's another post for another day), curl up in a chair and read, read, read together many times a day. This is the absolutely most important and first step to teaching your children to read.

As I am reading, I try engage my children's minds with lots of open-ended questions. I read with lots of expression and attempt to make the story exciting and fun. We also read together as a whole family on a nightly basis (we are currently working through the whole Chronicles of Narnia series, something we do every other year-right now we are in the middle of Prince Caspian). We make it a point to let the kids see us reading as well.

Learning to read should also be an exciting and fun, low-pressure kind of a thing. I take a heavily phonics-based approach (why I do so is another involved discussion, but I would be happy to answer any questions about that as well) and start teaching our kids at a young age (2/3) letter names and sounds (in a low key way, a-a-apple, when eating an apple for example) and then move on to a more structured approach at around 4 years of age.

That is not to say I want my children reading fluently at 4, just that's what I have found to be a good age in terms of the child's motivation level and excitement about learning to read. They really begin to see how limited their world is when they can't read. My goal is to try to capture that spark and run with it.

I also want to be sure to go at the child's pace-it shouldn't be a frustrating, pull-your-hair-out kind of thing. If they don't get it right away, I am persistent, unafraid to go back and review and repeat a lot, and most importantly, I try to be exceptionally patient. I don't ever want reading to become a chore for my children. If your child is struggling, stop and try again in a few weeks if you need to, being sure to keep up with reading good stories frequently in the meantime.

I always start by teaching individual letter sounds, teaching the difference between the consonants and the vowels. Then, I move on to teaching how to blend the letter sounds together, once they are able to recognize each letter and say its sound without really thinking about it. I will start with three letter words with short vowel sounds that follow the consonant-vowel-consonant pattern (C-A-T). I also like to teach in word families, so along with cat, I teach hat and mat and rat and sat etc... I continue this way until I have done each vowel.

Once they have mastered these words and can say them as soon as they see them (not having to sound them out letter by letter) I move into more complicated things such as consonant blends and digraphs (two or more letters that when placed together make a single sound-sh, for example), still sticking with short vowels.

After that I will move onto long vowels and all the ways to make them. We start with the most common ways (silent e) and move on to the lesser ways (igh says long i, for example). Along with this, I will start to teach phonics rules and have them memorize these rules to help them learn new words.

Next, I will do words that are exceptions to the rules (although I will have been teaching some of the very common sight words already-words that don't follow a phonics rule and can't be sounded out such as the, of, two, have, give, love etc...). You will find that once you get to this point your child will naturally start sounding out bigger, multi-syllabic words on their own.

Another thing I like to do is get the kids reading right away. Teach them a few short words and then use them in a "story" they can read all on their own (the cat sat on the mat), and then keep having them read stories the whole time, not just words (Bob Books are great for this). Let them taste success!

So, that's pretty much it, those are the basic steps I follow to teach our children to read. As I am teaching them I like to engage as many senses as possible so we will do different activities to reinforce whatever we are learning, but the foundation is pretty much the same.

If you have any questions or you are struggling with the process, I would be happy to help any way I can-just leave me a comment, and I promise to respond. I don't claim to be an expert, but I have done tons of research and hopefully someone can learn from my mistakes besides me! Almost all children will start to learn to read using these simple steps. This may not apply to the struggling learner or the special needs child, but it often will even in those cases. Just remember to be patient and go at your child's pace.

There is nothing that makes my heart swell with pride like seeing the light bulb go on in my kid's head and see them truly start to get it. To see them pick up a book off the shelf and start sounding out words. To watch them get so excited as they taste the success of reading their very first sentence, and then their first story and later, their first book. Oh, it's so, so sweet.

What about you? Do you have any tricks of the trade that you like to use when teaching a child to read?

True Romance

I have never been a huge fan of Valentine's Day. I think it's a silly holiday invented for the purpose of increasing sales for retailers after the post-Christmas lull. I find a lot of that stuff really, really sappy.

But what I don't find sappy is true romance. The kind of romance that causes your husband to wipe your tears away in the middle of the night when you are so sleep deprived you can't see straight. The kind of romance that causes your husband to quote your marriage vows to you when he sees you at your worst and you are humiliated and don't even want him to look at you. The kind of romance that enables a husband to be a solid rock when you need him to be, even though on the inside his heart is breaking too after you lose a baby.

Most of you who read this blog are our friends and family and you can probably tell from the above paragraph that those are all experiences that have happened in our lives. And let me tell you, my husband knows about true romance. He knows about commitment and loyalty and dedication to his family and loving his wife. Really loving her.

And I am not the best wife. I am high-maintenance and emotionally needy. My favorite coping mechanism when I am hurt, confused or angry is to withdraw. I am impatient and I demand perfection way too often of those around me, without ever feeling the need to deliver that myself. I am terribly selfish. And, I hate to admit, I am not a very good housekeeper.

And yet, he stays. He supports me in all of my crazy ideas (and I have a lot of them). He has never once raised his voice at me. Not once and I swear I am not exaggerating. I never have to be afraid in his presence. He protects me and he loves me, even when I am unlovable.

Ladies, that is true romance. You can keep your flowers and your chocolates and your cheesy cards and gifts. I'll take my real man any day of the week.

So for this Valentine's Day, I am taking the 30 Day Challenge , from Nancy Leigh DeMoss, to encourage my husband. I found out about this through one of my favorite bloggers, Kathy over at Teaching Good Things.

Wives, won't you join me? If you are interested, check out Kathy's post about the challenge. You can also sign-up here to receive the daily e-mail updates about the challenge.

If you are interested in taking the challenge, leave a comment here. If you blog, feel free to link up to your blog. I plan on blogging about the challenge as much as I can. Ladies, let us understand the power of our words and give our husbands this awesome gift of encouragement for Valentine's Day. I would love to hear how it changes your marriage over the next 30 days.

Why in the World Would You Want to DO THAT?

Do what you ask?

HOMESCHOOL

Yes, that.

Yes, we are a proud homeschooling family. I can't tell you how many times I have heard the above question. SO. MANY. TIMES. So, why in the world would we want to homeschool?

I have lots of answers to that question because there are lots of reasons why we homeschool. Most people I encounter usually just nod and smile and think we're a little crazy. Though homeschooling is increasing in popularity with more and more families choosing this mode of educating their children every year, we still don't know that many homeschoolers and most of the people we are close with really don't understand why we do it.

I have always wanted to, but never have, sit down and write out in clear and concise language why we do it and what our philosophy on home education really is. And I still want to do that. And someday when I have lots of free hours (which is pretty much never if you are a homeschooler) I will do just that.

But today I came across this blog post and this blog post (it's a 2-part series on the same blog) that really put into words our primary motivation for home teaching our children. This particular post is based on a biblical commentary written in the early 1800s, looking primarily at Deuteronomy 6, a chapter of the Bible that contains one of the most oft-quoted verses of Scripture given by Christian homeschoolers when asked that WHY question. Specifically, verses 6-7:

These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts.

Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and

when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.

What commandments are THESE, you ask? Well, maybe you didn't, but it's my blog so I am going to share anyway. In chapter 5 of Deuteronomy, the Ten Commandments are repeated again to the Israelites. And then in chapter 6, verse 5, we find what Jesus referred to as the GREATEST commandment:

Love the LORD your God with all your heart and

with all your soul and with all your strength.

So there you have it. It's pretty simple really, but in these few verses lie the answer, for us, to that WHY question. That is the ultimate answer anyway-there are many, many others which I will eventually be sharing here, along with answering some of the other typical questions we get, like:

What about socialization? (Although most who know our kids don't really ask this anymore because they know they are VERY social).

What DO you do all day? (Very soon I will be doing a "Day in the Life" post complete with pictures and hour-by-hour commentary on HOW we homeschool and what we do all day. I will probably eventually do several days because what we do is different every day. *hint* We don't REALLY stay home all the time).

How do you choose your curriculum?

What curriculum do you use?

How do you have the patience to homeschool?

How do you stay organized?

What about high school/college?

Aren't you sheltering your kids?

Do you ever get time to yourself?

Don't you think your kids would be better used by God in public school, to witness (can't stand that word but can't think of a better one) to other children who need God?

Is this even legal?

What made you choose to start homeschooling in the first place?

I'm thinking about homeschooling, can you give me any advice?

Aren't your kids going to be asking "Do you want fries with that?" for the rest of their lives? (Yes, someone once said this to me).

Is there something you have always wondered about homeschooling? If so, ask it in the comments or on my facebook page (you can find me @ Lisa Brady Epsteen) and I will be happy to do a post about it. But please be patient, after all, I do have to do some teaching! In the meantime, read the blog posts I linked to. They really well describe where my heart rests on this issue.

The Realness of God

The other day I was reading from Genesis 5. One of the last verses of that chapter reads like this:

He named him Noah and said, "He will comfort us in the labor and painful toil of our hands caused by the ground the LORD has cursed." Genesis 5.29

This is the first time we read about Noah and in one sentence we learn more about him than about most of the characters in this chapter. "He will comfort us."

For those of you who know us, you already know we have a son named Noah. And it is because of this very verse that we chose the name Noah. Before conceiving Noah we had a miscarriage and a couple of months later we were pregnant with him. So he was literally our comfort.

This what I wrote in my journal about this verse: "Noah, great-grandson of Enoch, who walked with God, and my son's namesake. If you ever read this son, remember who you are. Noah sounds like the Hebrew word for comfort. You comforted your Mommy and Daddy after the loss of Alida. I have no idea what God has planned for you, my son, but I know this: You will be a comfort to a great many people. You are the most sensitive of my children and it seems comforting is what you were born to do. Your name was truly God-given."

I am big into names and their meanings. I wrote a post about this very thing a while back. This is why we have such a hard time coming up with names for our children. Names are so significant and it is such an awesome task to have the sole responsibility of giving our kids the names they will be called for the rest of our lives. For that reason, all of our children were painstakingly named and all of our children have names that have some sort of special meaning or significance to us and our family. Noah is obviously no exception and it took us months to settle on his name. I cannot imagine him being named anything else.

Imagine my surprise and delight when Noah walked in after taking the dog out, less than five minutes after I had written that in journal and asked, "Momma, what do you think are God's plans for me?"

Talk about a jaw-dropping question. I mean, what five year old do you know that asks a question like that? It was totally a God moment, a beautiful thing that only He could have orchestrated. And so, I read Noah what I had only moments before finished writing.

Frankly, if I may be truly honest, I don't know how anyone can read or hear a story like that and not believe that God is real. There is NO WAY you could ever convince me that things like that could ever be explained away by merely coincidence. They happen way too often in my own life and in the lives of people I know for me to ever believe that coincidence has anything to do with it. In fact, I wrote a post about what I think of coincidence a while ago too.

Just in the past week, I have had two other circumstances happen that some might want to call coincidence, but are what I call the goodness and faithfulness of a God who loves me and cares about my situations-no matter how seemingly small and insignificant.

The first happened at Aldi's grocery store. I had all my stuff ready to go when I realized I had forgotten my wallet at home which NEVER happens. I was getting ready to walk out of the store because I had no way to pay for what I got. I was by myself with all four kids, mind you, and it was quite the trip to just make it into the store in the first place, let alone get what I needed and get home in one piece. So imagine my dismay when I learned I had no way to pay and it was all going to be for naught.

It was at this moment, the lady in behind me told the cashier that she wanted to buy my groceries. You heard me right. BUY. MY. GROCERIES. Seriously? Who does that? I tried telling her it was okay but she would not be swayed. By the time it was all over I was a bawling, blubbering mess, hugging a complete stranger who had totally been Jesus to me right in the middle of my crazy day. The funny thing is, I had prayed before going in that day that Jesus would use me. Ends up He used a complete and total stranger to minister to ME instead. Try and convince me He's not real. You can't do it.

By the way, the other customers were totally in awe too and the poor cashier was probably crying harder than I was. I was profusely grateful and the lady just said that I would have an opportunity to do it for someone else some day. I cannot wait for that day!!! Add that to the sweet family who when we were walking in gave us their cart and would not take out quarter in return and I am thoroughly overwhelmed by the goodness of God.

The second situation happened just yesterday when we received a flat tire on our way home. Rick's phone was dead, my phone was at home and the jack to change the tire was broken. Here we were, still a few miles from home, four kids who were hungry and tired on a hot day, pretty much stranded on the side of the road. So what could we do? Rick could try to walk home and leave us there. We could try to see if someone would let us borrow their cell phone-but then who could we call since no one memorizes phone numbers anymore-all the numbers were in our phones lol. So we did the only logical thing we could do. We prayed. Rick prayed specifically that God would send someone to help us.

Lo and behold, not 30 seconds after we finished praying, we see a van pull over on the other side of the road. They were travelling the opposite direction so they had to turn around, cross two lanes of traffic and back up to get to us. A man hops out of the van and it turns out he is the pastor of a local church and he said he felt that God had told him that "these people need your help" and that he should stop. He and his wife and their five kids. They had all the necessary tools and were able to get the spare on and send us on our way. Before he left, he leaned in the window, as we were again thanking him profusely, and he told the kids to give their thanks to God because He is the one who made him stop. Coincidence? You decide.

What an awesome lesson that was for my kids to witness the realness of God. As we were driving (slowly lol) home I asked them if they learned anything about that experience and they said "to help others and that Jesus answers our prayers." How awesome is that? I praise God for that flat tire! What seems like a major inconvenience turned out to be an amazing opportunity to witness the hand of God at work in our lives.

Coincidence? I think not.

She Walked with God

This morning I read from Genesis 5. Genesis 5 is not the most exciting part in all of Scripture to read. It is basically a genealogy of Adam and his sons and his son's sons and his...okay, you get the picture.

This chapter traces the descendants of Adam up through Noah. Verse after verse after verse is the same. Here's the pattern: When so and so had lived so many years, he became the father of so and so. After that he lived how ever many years and had other sons and daughters. Altogether, so and so lived this many years, then he died. Over and over and over again. I told you-scintillating.

But then you get about 2/3 way through the chapter and the pattern all of a sudden changes with Enoch (Adam's great great great great grandson). Here is what we learn about Enoch.

When Enoch had lived 65 years, he became the father of Methuselah. And after he became the father of Methuselah, Enoch walked with God 300 years and had other sons and daughters. Altogether, Enoch lived 365 years. Enoch walked with God; then he was no more, because God took him away. Genesis 5.21-24 (Emphasis mine)

Whoa! When you go to bed late and get up early and read a chapter like I read this morning, I will admit, sometimes it's hard to stay interested. Sometimes it's hard to understand how that part of Scripture can be relevant today. I know I sound super spiritual right now. But this verse stopped me in my tracks and woke me up. No caffeine needed. See, the Bible IS exciting!

Six generations of Adam's family go by and suddenly we see there is something special, something different about Enoch. He walked with God. This is the first person this has been said of thus far in Scripture. We might be able to assume that Adam and Eve had walked with God since He walked in the garden (Gen. 3.8) and surely no one else ever shared the same type of relationship with God as had Adam and Eve when they were still perfect, but the Bible does not expressly say that Adam walked with God.

So, to me, this verse is significant. Enoch walked with God. And how does this verse relate to marriage or parenting you might be wondering? (Remember my project?) Well, I am so glad you asked. For the answer (at least what my tired brain was thinking of this morning-not sure very many pastors would use this verse in a sermon on godly parenting), we have to keep reading. Next we learn about Enoch's son, Methuseleh.

When Methuselah had lived 187 years, he became the father of Lamech. And after he became the father of Lamech, Methuselah lived 782 years and had other sons and daughters. Altogether, Methuselah lived 969 years, and then he died. (Genesis 5.25-27)

It's all becoming clear to you now right? Yeah, me either. Well, here's a little trivia fact that I remember from my days of studying theology in college (see Dad, I told you my education would be useful someday!): Methuseleh was the longest living person ever recorded. Don't ask me how that little nugget of information stuck in my head all these years when some days I don't remember the names of my children, but it did. And you can look it up and research it, or you can just trust me that it's true.

Now, I don't really know if this is a significant fact of history or not. Maybe Methuseleh ate healthy and exercised more than others. Maybe Methuseleh stayed away from all sorts of unhealthy habits. Maybe he lived by the adage, "I don't drink, I don't smoke, I don't chew. And I don't go out with girls who do." Who really knows?

But maybe, could it be possible, that Methuseleh's longevity had to do with who his father was. That his father walked with God? Maybe not, it could be purely coincidental. But if the writer of Genesis thought it an important enough detail to share then I think it's significant. Or it could just be that in all my bleary-eyed tiredness this morning, I was looking for a way to connect the dots.

Here is my journal entry for this morning: "Saying that Enoch 'walked with God' is a deviation from the pattern of the previous verses (Lord, may the same be said of me.) Enoch's son Methuseleh was the longest living person in recorded history. This is interesting given the obvious faith of his father. I wonder if the two are connected? I don't know for sure, but I do know one thing: my own children will be blessed if it can be said of me that I 'walked with God.'"

She shoots. She scores. And the crowd goes wild. Or not. I don't know, maybe it's a stretch. Maybe I am reading way too much into the text. But I do know the one fact is true. If I walk with God, my children (and probably my children's children, and my children's...okay you get it) will indeed be blessed. The Bible clearly speaks to that fact in a multitude of places, like here and here and here, to name a few.

The truth is, as Christian parents, our children should clearly see us walking with God. One of my favorite passages of Scripture, one I refer to often when the going gets tough with homeschooling and I need a reminder of WHY IN THE WORLD I would want to do such a thing. One that has often brought me to my knees, crying out to God for myself as a mother. One that has the power to make me desperate for Him and reminds me where my focus needs to be in this crazy adventure we call parenting. Here it is-you ready for it?

Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates. (Deuteronomy 6.4-9)

Whoa! Go ahead, read it again. Soak it up. God sets a pretty high standard doesn't He? I could write a blog a day for a year and still not touch the surface of all the implications and meaning of these verses. And if you remember, Jesus Himself said that this was the greatest commandment (verse 4).

How are YOU doing with it? I'll tell ya, most days, I suck at it. I mean, really, really suck at it. I am all about being honest and transparent. I am in no way the perfect parent. I fail at this much more than I succeed. So I hope no one thinks I am trying to hold up some impossible standard. The truth is, without God, it IS impossible. But it MUST somehow be possible because we all know plenty of parents and children who are awesome examples of this.

How do they do it? How do I do it (when I do succeed? and I may be biased but I have a bunch of pretty darn good kids who are much better than me at this whole loving God thing, so I must be doing something right)? How do YOU do it? Well, to quote one of my favorite authors, Beth Moore, "With Christ, you can do the things you can't." She has a great way of putting things so obviously and simply.

The truth is, I CAN'T do it. The truth is, I'm NOT doing it. I have to tell ya, it always makes me feel so good when someone complements the job I am doing with my kids or tells me how great they are. But, as much as I would like to say it is because they have me for a mother, I know deep in my heart of hearts, that couldn't be further from the truth. I know it's not about me at all. And I'm okay with that. In fact, I am more than okay with it. I am happy to give the glory to God for all His goodness and faithfulness to this wandering heart.

We were out to eat with the kids yesterday for lunch. And the kids were awesome! We always get comments wherever we go just because we have more than the "normal" amount of children. Comments like, "are they all yours?" and "you have your hands full" and "how do you do it?" All. The. Time. Yesterday was no exception. There was a couple sitting behind us and as they left they remarked to us about how well-behaved our kiddos were and how hard it must be to take care of all of them and how busy we must be. I, of course, beamed with pride because of course I know my kids are great.

Fast forward to dinner last night, also eaten out. What can I say? It was a hard day! My boys are literally wrestling on the floor in the lobby of the restaurant. They are so loud I want to pretend like I don't know them. They completely forget their manners. Everyone around us assumes we ordered hay for them to eat, since they were, after all, obviously born in a barn. Truth? I wanted to crawl under the table and hide. I would have found plenty to eat under there with the mess they made.

Thank God it isn't about me!!! Thank God for His grace and mercy. Thank God that my children have a perfect heavenly Father, who more than makes up for my own weaknesses and failures. Thank God for His Holy Spirit residing in the hearts of my children that can help them recall the times when I do succeed at this and help them to live more and more like God. Thank God!

Be diligent about pursuing God and let your children see you doing it. You can give them no greater gift. Our children see and hear everything we say and do. How many times have you said something to your kids, totally forgotten about it, and they are the ones to remind you? If you are like me, probably too many times to count. Yesterday was a hard day, like I said, and I was giving Rick a kiss in the van to encourage him, and you should have heard the kids laughing and squealing with delight to catch Mommy and Daddy in a moment of intimacy-it totally made our day. We like to embarass them like that. They see EVERYTHING! Be diligent about making sure what your kids see is your intimacy with God. But don't beat yourself up when you fail. The great thing about our kids is that they are resilient and love us anyway. And the great thing about God is that He gives us as many do-overs as we need. It's never too late to start over.

Can your children say of you, "She (or he) walks with God."?